Why do i make myself suffer, through all this? The fighting, the love, the hate. all of it. I don’t want you anymore. But, I can’t bring myself to admit it to anyone but, myself. I deserve better. I deserve love, because I’ve never had it. I want him. Someone else. He’s better. But, I can’tt do it. /:
I’ve built this life around you. I want to start over. & forget you.
I decided to go to a friends for the night, last night. Considering, my boyfriend, whom I live with; told me that he was going to his mothers house, for the weekend. Let me remind you his mother lives about forty-five minutes from us. & I’m just tired of sitting home alone, all the time. he leaves everyday, and never comes back, when he says he is going too. So, Like I said, I went to a friends. My friend and I were in the middle of redyeing my hair, when I burst into tears. I love this man. I do. We had a baby on the way. But, I miscarried. We’ve been together [On and Off] for six months. He used to treat me like a princess.
I just have the worst feeling in my stomach. It’s sad. I think he’s cheating.
Well, I ended up calling him, around 10 this morning. & he didn’t answer. /: So, I kept calling, still no answer. His sister and I are pretty close, and she lives here also. So, I called her, and she said he did come home last night. and that he had just left. So, I called him again, still no answer. So, i decided to try one more time. He finally answered. He said that he “couldn’t find a ride to his mothers house, and that he decided to go to the Football game instead.” I was upset, more than usual. He didn’t even bother to ask if I wanted to go. My friend has a car. She would do anything for me. & he knows that. /: So, I told him to have a good day, and hung up.
Well, I called him about ten minutes later, after I bawled my eyes out. He answered, again. surprisingly. /: Well, I told him, I was getting sick of not being treated good enough. & he tried blaming it all on me. Like, it’s always my fault. I may not be the greatest girlfriend. But, I try my hardest. I asked him, if he did anything with anyone, at the football game. & he became pretty defensive, “why can’t you trust me?!” /: I was thinking, because I have reason not to. your past.
I wonder sometimes why? Why do I put up with this? Well, I know the answer now. I love him. More than anyone. Ever. I care about him. Like, I’ve never cared about anyone. He makes me smile, when I’m sad. He shows me new things. He trusts me, when he truly shouldn’t. He’s the love of my life. & I am willing to pretty much, put up with anything. But, If I find out he is cheating. I will leave. and Never come back.